Listed as day to day.

You know that sports term for athletes on professional teams "listed as day to day" that is pretty much how I feel about life right now. It is about day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.

At the beginning of this year I had high goals set and had plans laid out. About a quarter of the way through the year things began to change, then everything changed and everything came apart. I thought being 3K miles away in college was hard but now I just can't seem to find what is right. Each day something changes.

Last year at this time I was getting ready to head to 70.3 Worlds. This year I am barely employed and I am floundering.

Everything looks to be in place, so why do I feel so unhappy and out of place?

Finally I have my digestive issue rather under control and my back has been behaving nicely for the last couple of months. All weird injuries seemed to have dissipated and I am back to running 4days a week and feeling pretty strong at it. I just can't get my head in the game.

I have a job and it is ok but I don't have a set schedule and some days I just don't get called to work and that is really putting a strain on my budget. I love riding my bike, running and even swimming but some days all I want to do is lay in bed and stare at the tv, just not even move.

Where do people get all this energy from, can I have some? I have none for doing anything around the house, even folding laundry is about the same to me as going and climbing a mountain. Just thinking about some things makes me want to freak out and scream.

One thing I have come to conclude, is while I really do love triathlon and I love training different things, I just don't like the races. Let me clarify that, I don't like how they cost an arm and a leg for something that if I really wanted to I could totally go out and do on my own. Take the Marin triathlon for example, it charges $200, I could go and swim at China Camp, jump on my bike and ride out and up Lucas Valley and then run the CCamp trails, for FREE. Yes, of course I wouldn't get any aide stations and I wouldn't get "cool schwag" or a finishers medal but really is that all worth $200??? Not so much.

One would think that with the popularity rise in triathlon that it would bring the cost down. Not so and that makes me REALLY grumpy.

So fine I will train almost as if I race them and then I'll just do something else with my fitness, but what?

I tried bike racing, yea umm.... I suck at hills and some of you might say you just need to practice them more. Okay fine I'll practice them more and I might get a little better at them but truth... I'll never enjoy racing up them. Someone said to me yesterday as I was the last of the group up the hill "your hammers getting tired" my reply..."no, I just really don't care, I will get up this hill at my own pace but I don't feel the need to go fast, I can catch you on the down side". That pretty much sums up my whole attitude towards road racing, it looks cool but really I have no interest in it myself.

So I look at crit racing, yea it was fun and hard and it is something I can work towards. The other type is track racing, I really like this and think I am well suited for it but that damn track is SOOOOO far away!!!!!! I don't mind driving I really don't but for some reason that drive just takes forever! Hopefully it won't seem as long the more times I do it since I plan on making next year primarily a track year.

That was a bit much for my first post in about 4 months but I am going to try writing more, I think, and hopefully in the future they will be more focused.